September-A Month for Letting Go

As we ease into September and the temperatures begin to cool, I always feel a fresh wind beneath my wings. This season is a time of transition. The leaves begin to change, the trees release them, and in doing so, they conserve what they need to endure the winter. We stop and marvel at their beauty, but beneath the colors lies a truth: life requires letting go in order to flourish.

In spiritual direction, I often sit with the image of a tree. I picture my roots running deep into the well of the Lord, my trunk steady and strong, and my branches stretching outward with beautiful, interesting vines. At times though, my vines reach toward other trees, attaching to what feels more alive or what looks stronger, or they can even wrap around those I love, trying to shield or protect them.

I am learning that by allowing my internal vines to grasp too tightly to others I risk draining them, draining me, or suffocating them from the light and purpose God has for them. When we try to either attach to someone for our own security or get ahead of pain for those we love in an effort to “protect them”- we stand in the place of God. We delay the journey God has for them. We take the beauty out of His plan because we try to control in an effort to find some place of security. 

Detachment can be hard. I can still feel the pain from when others have detached from me, leaving my tree bare in places I once found comfort. My first instinct, as an Enneagram 6, is to cut off my vines altogether, remove anything that feels unsafe or has the potential to cause pain and protect myself- cut off the vines and pull leaves and limbs in for self-preservation. But I’ve realized that isn’t the solution. The desire for closeness is part of my God-given nature. My vines reflect my desire for deep loyalty, my longing for intimacy, and my love for others. 

I am sensing an invitation from God for holy detachment. Holy detachment is a healthy way to let go which allows for thriving and to live within a God-given uniqueness. But where to start? We begin to look at those areas that need to be pruned back, trimmed, pulled out. This pruning can be a painful, slow, and challenging process. Our vines may even be so entangled it might be hard to see where to start. 

On the grounds here at The Retreat House, there was a tree whose vines were a mess. They blocked the gate, our view to get out of the driveways and trying to pull them off was physically challenging. I found myself even emotional trying to aggressively detangle it as I reflected on my own webs. Sometimes God uses these hands-on moments to us walk through internally complex places. After much fruitless effort- the tree itself had to come down. It could no longer live in the way it was intended- its vines were killing it and things around it. I knew, within myself, God was opening my own eyes to what I needed to let go of. As I let my blistered hands release the vines, I could see God’s invitation to release control and I knew it was time to surrender. How many times am I going to resist the call to release, to surrender what I have a tight grip on? Did I need my hands to be blistered and wounded in order to do so? The answer- sometimes.

If I reframe my view on the vines to have them represent my uniqueness and the values I hold dear, I can guide them to wrap securely around my own trunk, drawing strength from God first and growing deeper roots. This way, my interior tree can stand steady, strong, and full of life, now able to freely offer shade, rest, joy, and refuge in connection with others.

Letting go doesn’t mean I’m alone in the grove and detachment does not mean you don’t care or you are called to abandon. It means we, first and foremost, cement our attachment to God- then allow others to come and go within our branches without letting it uproot us or choke us or them out. It is allowing others to live in their own strength as we live in ours. It is remembering that our identity and security is found only in the Lord- not in approval, achievement, or over-attachment. 

When we continue to seek our comforts, approval, or even who we are outside of Him, we will keep coming up empty. We need to let go of needing continual affirmation or having accomplishments define who we are or holding to habits that no longer serve us- that hinder our ability to truly flourish. We can let go of constant worry or management over others lives- especially within our family units. You know that saying; if they are ok, then I am ok- we need to let that go. It blocks what God has for us and what God has for them. Someone once told me in regards to my constant worry over my son and those young adults who have been under my care- you can have influence, not sovereignty. Let that be the banner of our hearts and live from that freedom and trust in God's sovereignty.

“There are only two ways to live. We can live with either clenched fists or with open hands. You can’t have them both. Clenched fists are a refusal: a refusal to let go, a refusal to trust, a refusal to give up control. And  unfortunately, in the spiritual life, clenched fists also keep you from being able to receive from God. Only empty hands can receive. Therefore, we must let go of whatever our hands are full of before we can ever expect to receive any of the fullness, or the life, that God wants us to give,” -Jim Branch

Of course, letting go is not easy. It can feel painful, even grievous. It is truly an act of trust. Trees must release even their most beautiful red and gold leaves, trusting God’s design will preserve them through the next season. It pushes us to take a leap of faith to finally release those things we know hold back our light and truly believe God will care for us as well as those we love. 

This does not mean we do not need community- we absolutely need that. That is why trees thrive in groves. But a healthy community is not codependency. It’s not pulling one another down or clinging onto in fear, hoping that another person or habit will fill the void only the Lord can. Instead, it’s standing tall and beautiful together, embracing their differences, each rooted deeply in the well of living water, moving with the changes of each season side by side- encouraging each other to flourish in their own uniqueness.

We all face moments when holding on feels safer than releasing. But when a tree refuses to let go of its leaves, it withers and its energy is wasted on what cannot last and it struggles to survive, much less thrive. What about you?

• What are you holding onto that is draining you dry?

• What are you afraid to release control of or detach from?

• What might be waiting for you on the other side of letting go?

Perhaps it’s peace. Perhaps it’s purpose. Perhaps it’s a deeper interior and exterior health. Perhaps its your roots become more strengthened in the Lord, giving stability to you and shade to those around you.

Like the trees, maybe this season is your invitation to trust, to release, and to find life again.

As you lean into the practice of holy detachment, may the Serenity Prayer serve as a reminder that true peace comes from God’s hands, not our own grip.

We are here for you at The Retreat House and would love to be a safe place for you to find your way. If you want to learn more or get moving on your healing journey reach out- hello@theretreathousememphis.com .